I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
