The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize