bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
