2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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