I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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