Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
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She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
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I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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