I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
