This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She needs sedatives and a leash
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
