This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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