He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
