If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
