Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
the liver wants what the liver wants
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
