I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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