She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
