3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
