Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
