You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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