My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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