Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
