WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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