Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
