Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
