an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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