i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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