My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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