is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
