I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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