Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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