I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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