I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
