Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
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I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
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You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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