did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
