I cannot find my penis.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
