i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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