I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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