I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
