Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
this is an emotional support booty call
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
