help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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