I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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