So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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