proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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