Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
