he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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