cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
