I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
