matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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