Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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