Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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