Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
