Betty ford says i'm here all night
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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