Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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