Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
