Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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