i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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