I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
