im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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