dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
