The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Your shirt... Was in my pants
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
