id be glad to
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
