I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He? As in you personified your dick?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize