Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
